So random

I dunno why this feeling suddenly appear to me , but i jsut wanted to state it out ....i feel like i didn't belong to anywhere else ......even i go to some place that i always go ....yup..church ....every sunday , or earlier saturday ....i go there ...& i have friend ...i was just their ....friend...! & Mostly some of them listen to hip-hop ...which now i started to hate that kind of music ...or even worse some pop music ...the 2000's pop music taken by hip-hop ....i hate that kind of crappy music ....it doesn't ease my ear ...it just worsen it .....i realise to know that i listen to rock music ....i found that i like , rock , and the same time some sort of mandarin pop , then some korean movie /drama , then at some forum mostly are American , Canadian , some from United Kingdom.....i feel so lost sometime & now i lost again , sometime i always have that kind of feeling .....have started to haunted me now ....i feel lost once again ....! ( it 's just not me or ...i have improve a bit for my english grammar ...it 's jsut not me ...!) I just remember that my aunty have mention something that kind of make me piss off ....she say i'm influence by my big bro & have no talent in art ...how dare she say that ...i have stay in silence as silence is gold...but at moment if i defend myself ...what would she speak again ? i'm a foolish ...or stupid .....i feel so ...i dunno how to mention that ...At that time i was angry ...& piss off...! I want to clear that ...even my clasmate that never been learn drawing before have a very good in observation have became nearly a professional illustrator ..that 's ....so harsh & have offensive...i hate it ...i hope that sometime she just stau silence...she say that i dun have talent in drawing ...ohh....she don't know much of me ...i wonder who else in this world would have understand me better .....she 's not me ...why don't she just .....shut up ...? she dunno nothing ....! I have a dull mood....i dun have the mood to draw ....at the moment ....i'm such a moody person ....! Sometime i just almost get what arts mean ...but i dunno why ...i always get lost , once again ...! Feel like wanted to shout out loud ....! it 's so hurt ....i can't even handle such a harsh .....why she say such a word ...! because i dunno how to draw ...Doesn't mean i dun have talent ...i have a little ...! I dun want to go out with her sometime becasue of this ...coz she is so annoying most of the time ...her voice is so high pitch...*sigh* I dun feel like doing anything accept thinking ...thinking ...that 's my habit ...! No one really know how i feel really ...! it 's hard to have a understandable friend in the world ...! I didn't think of him at the moment ......i dunno when my " missing " disease will appear again ...but i still didn't forget him ....! I won't marry at such a young age yet ....i want to travel , see this world ...! I ahve add....she say i dun ahve a passion for Arts.......no ways.....sometime i want to be on my own to go somewhere else ...sometime i enjoy i like to some place on my own .....i didn't tell someone i go to Time square by taking monorail by myself ...i want to prove that i can be on my own ...because i 'm the youngest ...it just so hard to prove that i can do it by myself rather that rely on someone else ....i wish i can drive & have my own car ...* Sigh*