Forbidden to rememnber , terrified to Forget

I dun have some motivation to continue or start paint , updated my blog , sketching or whatever .....i need somone to critic my work not just like ..." oh , it's not bad " what's not bad ? what 's good ? what's bad ? Tell me about it , forget the blog title ....it's a good line from New Moon novel , 2nd installment in TWilight Saga ...Whatever .....ARghh...it's so frustrating , like i was locked in a 4 wall room and dark and nobody is around me ...okay , okay maybe i just being dramatic ....It's like i have been " break up" with my own artwork for a long long long long long long long time ......I feel like i have been living a repeating life which is not a good thing , i dun like to be a robot repeated the damn same thing everyday , it's suck ! i know i would quit this damn job someday but not now .....i dunno i want to risk it , for the sake of better future ....it's not like this job suck , even though sometime it's look like it might be suck .....honestly yeah !

I have dislike for some mainstream music now , i wanted to listen to something different rather those pop not meaningful song .....it's like everyone like junk food but it's not healthy ....pop is just like junk food we like ....and it's not healthy it just my own opnion ....take it or leave it or whatever . i rather listen to some real music , singer and the music instrument ...or musician and their music instrument ..their own music , they express their emotion through their music instrument or song or music that's what i call music , and that's what the music is all about , deep meaning lyrics music plus some instrument , piano , violin , guitar , drum .....ummm not some pop song dancer , showing off some skin ... or lip-syncing.....totally dislike that ....i dun even listen to local radio station anymore and i dun like hip-hop song ....i mean some noisy hip-hop song ....i just dun ....and the aVril that i like used to be playing guitar and dress better than now ....better without Abbey DAwn i suppost ....i dunno ....hopefully her new album is much better and the image of the whole album is similar to UMs album

I wish i know how to write music not song lyrics....i only know how to play some simple rhthymn ...I need some fresh new air ....staying in a same level and same place make me wanna puke .....