Deep thought

SInce when i have deep thought ? since when ? i wish i can leave that freaking company rite now , when can i live the life i want ? and be the one i wanted to be ? why everything seem to be falling apart ? Sometime when i was down i just listen to soothing music , Metric 's msuic is awesome , i only know them through twilight soundtrack , they 're fine , and i think twilight saga is fine , i dun get it , what's wrong with twilight , if they dun like it they dun need to read the freaking series and the movie , it's just as simple as that ...

I hope it's not too late to realise that after all this while , i have been living a lies ....lot of lies ...i only listen to what i wanted to listen to , but i just too sturborn to listen to hash word , all those cold and mean word they say , i wish i can find a way to become what i always wanted to be , all those love thing i just not really good at it , i wish someday the real " 21st" was that i can drive , i can manage my own thing , anything and almost everything i can capable of , i will be proud of myself and my parent would be really proud of me , i feel like a child now , being overprotected by them , i feel ashamed sometime but i don't know how to show it , even if i show it , they dun really understand and i always show it in a wrong way , i once remember that i want to be independence and i want to show it to my mom that i can take care of myself , but i only want to be strong and independence but in a wrong way ...i dunno how long they will let me be , i mean set me " free" of my cage , my own freaking cage ...

teacher , i freaking desperate wanted that job so bad , i dun like the recent company i am working , it's didn't worth a minute working there , the way they manage thing , the way they " treat" us ...the staff ,some of them may not realise it , how i dislike to be working in there .....i wish once i receive my fren call , i can working in the workshop and be happy , i 'm sure i will be happy i dun freaking care how far is it , as long as i get out of there ...okay ...blogging seem to be a theraphy to me , i hope i can master piano and sing by the same time