ummmm......

I think my blog was back to when it was started in the beginning , messy post again ...Righttttt......well , it's because i'm a messy person , untidy yup , i have to learn how to accept the way i am , I still can't get over of myself i mean the artwork , it 's really suck , it should be better that I have done ...Really !!!!!! Thing happen ...ummmm , my old handphone lost , which i have use for 3 year ....have a memory of my college then , so i have a new handphone , it 's mean a new vibe of my life , I guess some of my colelgemate was starting a job hunting ....ME ...I want to paint a one last painting for my exhibition sake , last 2 painting i have done suck , no soul , no much effort at all , i blame myself for that ,even during presentation , my lecturer say it 's really not he was expected ....Everyone arround me is improving I think , In my opinion , well BUT me i think i am one step backward .....I am so inconsistent , not stable skill make me sick . I blame myself for being so so emotional , but not rational enough . Uhhhh ....I wish i can paint that one last painting at home but i don't want to let my parent know about it , it would freak them out , this painting is not about getting a good result or something , it's just to make me much better , not being guilty about something , at least just for myself feeling much better than before , yup , A Surreal painting , my digital painting suck and i don't want to show how worst it was . I have been complaining a lot of my skill , i don't want to keep complainning it again , i always wanted to prove someone wrong about my skill , but it 's just screw thing up ......

I don't think blogging about my feeling is a good idea , i have been complainning a lot , i should be blogging about religious stuff ...ummm , i need a private Diary or journal then . I wish after the exhibition , everything just went well , should i hunting job now or after the trip to Nanjing and Shanghai ? I already decided to go for it , and i don't want to follow my parent to Shanghai ....I want to go home after that trip ....It's boring going with them anyway ....

New vibe of my life , New stage of my life , 21 year old , reveal my age isn't a good idea ...I dun feel old i feel young , like 18 year old .....I wish i can go back to 18 .....My best birthday celebration must be 19 , celebrate with my classmate, i hate my 20 birthday ....If i didn't go to that event , i would have dinner with my family outside ....i'm shouldn't be in that event ......silly and stupid . Boring blog again , whatever , i care if no one read this ........this blog was alive last year ....I'm not a good blogger anyway .
Maybe next post will be using chinese to blog ....

-Everything is changing when i turn around ..........